It's a sad day...

Hooters calls it quits
All is not totally lost as the airline will continue to run private charters out of Winston Salem, N.C. but regular service will cease April 17th. And me never having flown on it, the horror!

In honor of the greatest airline in the history of the world I present to you The Top 11 Differences on Hooters Airlines...

11. Seats and tray tables aren't the only thing in an upright and locked position.
10. "Layovers" not necessarily a bad thing now.
9. Wood detectors now installed at all gates.
8. New flight attendant job description has a "maximum IQ" requirement.
7. "You can now see the Grand Canyon to your left, if you can manage to pry your eyes off the flight attendant for five friggin' seconds."
6. "The captain has turned off the 'Fasten bra straps' sign. The flight attendants are now free to jiggle about the cabin."
5. Since when do they have a seat 38DD?
4. Passengers no longer complain about it being too cold in the cabin.
3. Male passengers pray for turbulence, especially during the beverage service.
2. "Should there be a loss in cabin pressure, a plate of hot wings and a pitcher of Bud will drop from the ceiling, and Misty will sit on your lap while you watch 'SportsCenter' -- heck, if you're gonna go, might as well go in style."
1. Everywhere you look: Flotation devices!

Listen up

To all you people making demands of me – I don’t care who you are. Do NOT give me a hard time about taking Sunday off. Do NOT tell me how stressed you are that you can’t get the $#%^ service tech from Sears to fix the washing machine so we’ll just have to spend $600 to buy a new one. Do NOT try to guilt me into spending time (or my own money) to solve your school’s financial hardships that YOU had a part in creating (especially when I was sounding the alarm two years ago and you chose to ignore it). Do NOT show up at my office unannounced and expect me to drop everything to meet with you, I frankly don’t care how much you paid my firm last year. Do NOT, Do NOT, DO NOT DO ANY OF THE ABOVE OR ANYTHING SIMILAR UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO INTEGRATE MY FOOT WITH YOUR ASS.

As you were.

What’s a matter with you, it’s too soon for John Denver.

Years ago my buddy Rob and I used to take extended fishing trips into the eastern sierras. We tent-camped along a specific river, fished a number of lakes. It was glorious. I look back and I think it was among the last of my carefree days. Anyway, we’d make the long drive up the 14 & 395 through Mojave and then through Bishop. About ½ way up Sherwin grade the desert melts away and you find yourself in God’s country. I don’t know when or why it started, but reaching a very specific landmark during the climb required that we start listening to John Denver’s “Sweet Surrender” followed by “Rocky Mountain High”, singing along in a tone and volume that would cause dogs far and wide to howl with vigor. And this little ritual could only take place when we had reached a certain landmark. If one of us were to pop in the cassette say, just outside of Bishop, the other would immediately assert, “What’s a matter with you, it’s too soon for John Denver.” To this day when I hear those songs I’m transported back in time to the cab of that truck and I feel like I’m almost there.

Rob is married with a family now and has moved out of the area so we don’t fish or hunt together like we used to. But I still take a trip or two up there every year. The highlight trip is with a few buddies when we all leave our wives & kids at home and have the “annual guys only fishing trip”. It usually takes place in August. I’m already getting a little bit antsy about it because there’s a possibility that I’ll have a couple of new players involved. My buddy Jason is hoping to make the trek out here from South Dakota. Plans are still in the works but I’m hopeful. I’ll believe it when I see it, but I’m hopeful.

Tax season is here and in full swing. In a normal year the real insanity doesn’t get underway until April 1st or so. Today is the 15th of March and I’m already getting hammered. I’m tired. I’m cranky. I want people to leave me alone. I want to be dry fly fishing the upper Owens River. I want to be sitting around a campfire with my buddy from South Dakota and some other friends.

As I type this I’ve got “Rocky Mountain High” playing on my iPod. I know, “it’s too soon for John Denver” but I can’t help myself.

More elevator hijinks

While riding down in the elevator a few moments ago a guy pulls out his cell phone and makes a call:

“Hello? May I speak with Thomas please?”

*pause*

“Yeah, Tom. It’s Jerry. I’m coming to get you. Bye.”

I started cracking up. A few other people snicker. The guy has this “is my zipper down?” look on his face and asks, “What’s funny?”

I said, “Are you going to drop an anvil on his head?” A few more snickers. The guy stared at me blankly.

“My kids love watching you on Cartoon Network, by the way. You’re a lot taller in real life.” The laughs from the other passengers were starting to pick up when a lady added, “And not as furry.” Everybody lost it at that point. Unbridled hilarity. Except for Jerry. The joke had completely escaped him. When the elevator car hit the ground floor Jerry exited first. He paused for a moment and then turned, exclaiming, “F*** you!!” before storming away. Greatest elevator ride ever.